The most important Connection we need

Tim Mossholder, Unsplash

We all have moments of insecurity, aloneness, and isolation. In one of our Read-Share Book Clubs, we explored “Sacred Attachment”, by Michael John Cusick together. It is a book that merges attachment theory, neuroscience, and ancient Christian spirituality to guide people toward experiencing a safe, secure, and authentic relationship with God, especially in the wake of trauma, spiritual exhaustion, or woundedness.

While many earnestly desire spiritual growth, feeling discouraged by exhaustion and failed religious efforts is common. Rather than offering more prescriptive methods or information, he guides readers inward—to own their limitations and recognise wounds, trusting that faith deepens through vulnerability, not perfection.

Cusick recalled a time when he, then a child, visited his aunt Sister Anne at the convent; and his older brother locked him up inside a cabinet and spinned him round and round. When the spinning finally stopped, Cusick was embraced by his aunt and at that moment, all his anxieties and fears vanished. This was the point when he learnt that God is inviting us to be held in loving connection, where we are seen, soothed, safe, and secure.  

The 4Ss—seen, soothed, safe, and secure—is what I would like to explore more with God. Letting God embrace me in the 4Ss is the gateway to a deeper and more vibrant relationship with God. Our society provides an endless stream of distractions, and it is easy to just be in survival mode, or to pursue one’s individual interests or passions only to end up compartmentalising God in our lives, meeting Him on Sundays in church or through Bible studies. However, God is bigger than all these. He wants us to know Him and encounter Him in many ways. When we are not conscious or aware that God always sees and soothes us, and that we are secured and safe in Him, we will go to other things or persons to be seen, soothed and secure. However, these do not provide a steady source or presence of love.

Only God is a steady presence. 

Few have parents fully meet our basic needs for attention, safety, and affirmation throughout our childhood, developing in us varying degrees of anxiety about attachment and intimacy. I remember being more attached to my nanny than to my own mother. My nanny and her family provided me with a loving and secure environment, but it was not a permanent arrangement, as I had to go back to start school. I believe this caregiving arrangement shaped me deeply, resulting in my experiences of confusion, striving, going in circles, and brokenness. The times of relational confusion and brokenness occur even now.

I first heard of Jesus in primary school. He was presented as a friend and so that was how I viewed God too. It was only years later that I saw God as a Father. It is the Love of the Father and the Son and the enablement of the Holy Spirit that attaches me to the Loving, Triune God.  

We all need to be held and beheld by God.

Cusick describes the originator and the essence of love as a love without strings attached, a love “just because”, a love that exists regardless of how badly we have made mistakes or fallen in our lives, and this love changes everything. Who can love you and me like that, except God?  Sometimes when we have conversations with another person, you can know when they are not fully listening and giving you their attention when their gaze shifts, or worse, when they look at their phones. However, God beholds and holds us like no one ever can. He offers perfect and unconditional love.

So how do we connect with the God who beholds us? 

To connect to God, we need to first connect to our bodies. When trauma, anxieties, loss, betrayal or injury hit us, we are unable to feel, explore, and be open. Something must go if our pain or trauma is not processed, and that something is faith. Cusick argues that it is not enough to be caught up in passionate worship. Our faith needs to be embodied more fully in practices that stimulate our minds and balance our bodies. We need to pay attention to what we are paying attention to, through our five senses. Then we can start to investigate why some things grip our attention. Our bodies refuse to ignore what cannot be ignored. Hence, it is essential to process any pain or loss we face. We are all wretched, weak, and wounded. Instead of burying our weakness, we can own it, steward it, and view it as a gift from God. This has been a major paradigm shift for me, for I have never thought that my weaknesses and brokenness can be a bridge, and not a barrier, to experiencing God. Instead of seeing my weaknesses as something to overcome, I let God do the inner transformative work, and meanwhile, own it and steward it as a part of me.   

We desire to be known and to be seen. However, if our experiences of being known and seen have been met with rejection, we feel shame for wanting to be known. Yet our brokenness, weakness, powerlessness, and poverty are pathways into an authentic relationship and connection with myself, others, and God. So, we need to risk vulnerability. 

Sacred Attachment book cover

A practice that helps foster vulnerability is to adopt a heart posture of simplicity and humility, honesty, and authentic desire. We come clean with God about everything without defense or rationalisation. As we experience God’s presence and acceptance, we will also come to accept ourselves.

Another pathway to knowing God is through the imagination. God gave us the gift of imagination to know and experience Him and His goodness. Much of Scripture, being grounded in daily life can be used to ignite our imagination, to help us envision a vital relationship with God.

A spiritual practice that is simple to follow and yet so powerful is to be present and securely attached to God. It is about showing up and being mindful of God in the daily moments. We learn to be present to ourselves so that we can be present to God. 

Securely attached to the endless source of love, we can rely on Him, trust in Him, and walk with Him through all of life, and welcome others to join this transformative adventure.

Katherine is a teacher and she loves to read good books that helps her connect to God and His ways.  She hopes her reflection will encourage TRL friends to find secure attachment in God.