From the Outdoors to the Corridors of the Father’s Heart
Tim has been married for 12 years and is a father to a 10-year-old boy. He is on a journey into the Father's heart and into sonship, and is learning to parent his son as the Father parents him. He is active in men's and Special Educational Needs (SEN) parent communities, and is an advocate for kinder parenting and education structures.
Many years ago, when I was in secondary school, I was in the boy scouts. We went outdoors a lot. There were hikes and there were outdoor camps. There were a lot of mosquitoes and a lot of mud too, especially when it rained. My time in national service was almost similar. A lot of jungle walking, a lot of mud and mosquitoes.
It was no surprise that by adulthood I had developed a familiarity with the outdoors, but not an affinity. So it was interesting that when I first ran away, from God and from life in Singapore, it was to an outdoorsy place.That place was Hobart, in the state of Tasmania in Australia. There, I started to like the outdoors more. The air was crisp, the forests were beautiful, there was little mud and few mosquitoes (well, except maybe in the summer).While in Tasmania, I ran away to the outdoors when I needed to, whether from the stress of my studies or from the same broken relationships I seemed to find myself getting into. Being outdoors helped alleviate the distress or depression I felt during those times, but it did not solve them.
Still, I began to grow an affinity for the outdoors. Away from a world where I felt ill-fitted for and ill-equipped to live in (let alone to thrive), I found temporary respite and momentary peace in the green-wooded and open natural spaces of Tasmania. When I returned from Australia, I carried this affinity back to Singapore.
Failure, shame and emptiness was still a constant thread in my heart. If you have read my earlier article “From Shame to Security”, I shared about these and some background of being a high-scoring student who went to an elite school, and who struggled with self-worth and identity for most of my life. It was not until my encounter with the Father heart of God in 2020 that my life transformed in a significant way, and first from the inside out. For the first time, I saw myself how God the Father saw me: not as a broken man struggling with almost everything a man struggles with, but as a son well-loved in His eyes.
In that encounter, the shame I carried for almost all my life was washed away by the river of His love flooding through my heart, and the emptiness in my heart was filled for the first time. All my striving to carve out something for myself in this life (and failing at it notwithstanding) did not matter then, for in Him, I found significance and peace.
This also changed how I experienced the outdoors.
In the trees both small and great in the parks, I saw Him as the gardener of my heart.
In the rustling of the wind in the leaves, I heard the rustle of His robes as He walked with me.
In the animals dotting the landscape, I learned to slowly trust in His providence.
And in the warmth of the sun on my face, I felt the Father’s face shining with joy upon me.
When before, it was about running away from something, the outdoors became not about running to something or somewhere, but to Someone.
And in the process of encountering this Someone - our heavenly Father - over and over again outdoors, I brought what He gave me, indoors into my marriage.
From quarrels and deep-seated unhappiness, my marriage began to heal too. He had drawn me into His heart already, and He too began drawing my wife into His. It will be too much to share here, but to summarise a bit, we are seeing how this healing is now flowing out of our marriage to others as well.
I now intentionally carve out time each week to be outdoors. Be it on an urban hike through the landed and HDB estates around my home, or taking a walk to and in Bishan Park, I know He meets me there.
If you would like, here are some ways I have found it useful to encounter His heart when I am outdoors on these hikes:
Do it with little to no agenda other than just to spend time with Him.
A simple “I am here here, Father” lets Him know you are inviting Him to spend time with you.
Talk to him as you would a friend. Point out things you see, and how interesting they are to you.
Share your heart concerns as you would with a trusted friend or counselor. Pause at times and wait for His gentle imprints upon your heart.
Take time to stop and savour the good, interesting or beautiful things you encounter. Oftentimes, He speaks to us through these.
Be open to new ways He communicates with you. He speaks His heart through all five senses.
Journal later what you see, feel and think about on these outdoor sessions. After a while, you may see a pattern emerging more, and you will recognise how He speaks to you through these patterns.
It has been very much a heart journey into the Father’s heart for me, full of healing, love, peace and joy. I wish and pray for you the same, and more, in your own heart journey with Him.
Shalom,
Tim
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