Becoming and Being My Useful Self

Two years ago, I started something radical that God has been putting in my heart. I took in people who were homeless and lost, to offer shelter and support those in need. Beyond just offering shelter, I also wanted to offer a place of safety and stability, where they can experience healing, restoration and love. It was radical because I did not have a paying job, did not have a house, not much money; and I am a single mother raising two boys on my own. In the eyes of society, I was not someone considered “useful” to others. 

But I know that God works on a totally different scale.  

A Fiery Furnace

I grew up an ordinary girl, with dreams of an ordinary life: getting through school, pursuing ideals in a job, finding a soulmate to grow old with, and being a homemaker to raise the next generation. When I knew Jesus at 14, I prayed for an extraordinary life, eager to pursue the will of God, and excited for the life of a missionary. However, I eventually found myself back on the path of ordinariness - degree, job, marriage, homemaker. It was blissful the first few years enjoying this life but something was always tugging at my heart. I did not have a clear purpose for my life - not from God. 

Wang-Dongxin, Unsplash

Then I was thrown into the fiery furnace. Everything that was familiar and that I held close to heart burnt away in the furnace – my marriage of 16 years, the home I spent my prime years building, the complete ideal family I thought I had. As the hopes and dreams I held onto burnt away, I realised God was not in any of them. It was in this fiery furnace that I encountered God in a way I have never before. I came out of the furnace unscathed while Jesus burnt away the bondages that trapped me. I had been like a cup before it was moulded, without form and not being able to hold any water. Jesus took the miry clay and lovingly and meticulously moulded and shaped it. After several stages, including going through a fire, a cup is formed, and it becomes useful.

Usefulness is a process

Ephesians 2:10 says, “we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”.  How wonderful to know that the Master Potter takes His interest and time to craft us lovingly – handmade solely for His good works, prepared in advance. I had lived half my life missing out on this – my misguided vision had been to become a beautiful cup displayed on the shelf, for people to affirm and admire. God intervened so that my faulty beliefs could be exposed, and brought beauty out from ashes. 

Jesus had said that unless a kernel of wheat falls and dies, it only remains a single seed (John 12:24). The kernel needed to die before many seeds could be produced. The deep truth is that our usefulness is something God sees clearly, and it calls for our death – death to our own understanding, our need for control, and our fear of human misunderstanding and so forth. This may sound logical, but to experience this death is remarkably painful, yet necessarily good. 

In my work of sheltering, well-meaning people often asked me: “Is this sustainable?”, “How did you do this?”. In fact, this has been an incredible, less-travelled journey, one which taught me one crucial truth:

God entrusts, God calls, God equips, and God supplies. 

It can be hard for our finite brains to grasp the ways of God. And God’s ways are not easy, even though there is a surprising Grace undergirding it all. I had oceans of tears, loads of sitting with doubts, and much wrestling to trust. I had to regularly and repeatedly yield and lean in. 

Despite my limitations, God gave fruit to the season: three of those I housed met and were restored to God. God had invited me to an honourable task, and Jesus’ words held true: that He is the vine, and we are the branches; if we remain in Him and He in us, we will bear much fruit; apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5).

We are all useful

In fact, as I consider the individuals who God entrusted tasks to and took on a radical journey, I noticed that they each had their limitations and weaknesses:

Moses could not speak well. 

David was only a young shepherd boy. 

Rahab was working as a prostitute. 

Mary was a teenage girl. 

Paul was destroying Jesus’ followers, until God turned him around.

The good works God asks us to do with Him are usually not easy tasks, and may not make a lot of sense at first.  

Abraham had to uproot from his home and change his lifestyle, losing his inheritance, before he could step into a new unknown land. 

Noah built the seemingly impossible ark, against all odds. 

Jeremiah went into a forty-year long mission that involved much pain and weeping. 

Jesus sent the disciples, two by two, without bringing anything with them, not even an extra set of clothes. 

Usefulness happens at many levels. What God shows us is that we can be useful despite ourselves, against odds, through our weakness, mistakes, and limitations. 

What is in your hands?

Once, when the crowds had been following and listening to Jesus in the countryside and the day was drawing to a close, Jesus asked his disciples to come up with a way to feed the people. We are told there were about five thousand of them! (Luke 9) The story goes on to say that a little boy offered what he had brought along: five small loaves of bread and two dried fish.

Logically this will not suffice. 

Likewise, we often conclude too quickly that we do not have what it takes to be truly useful. We shy away from our potential and the blessedness of discovering our true usefulness as we yield to God.

Yet each of us has treasures God has placed in our hands. It could be a resource, a skill, a story or even a posture of the heart. When we place whatever we have (even if we consider it little or insignificant) into the hands of the One who blesses and multiplies, these gifts become treasures, and we become useful for His work. 

Everything changes when we place ourselves in God’s powerful hands.

We become useful despite ourselves, our weaknesses, mistakes, pain and hurts.  God does not create without intention and love. He desires for each of us to discover that we are useful and can lead purposeful lives.

One thing is central to this: our surrendering and leaning in. This calls for a consistent relationship with God. Just as the disciples were drawn back to spend time with Jesus, we need to cultivate an ongoing dependence and relational intimacy with God.

Cup hand-built by Rachael

Encountering Jesus intimately has rendered my heart surrendered to His will, and His good works – this surrender, rather than any personal ambition, now guards and guides my life. As God has touched and transformed me, I see how my life is truly useful, as it is no longer I who live, but He who lives and moves in me.

Rachael Chai, having been redeemed by the greatest Love, is involved in different rescue work - people, animals, food, items, etc, having the same hope that nothingness can be transformed to usefulness. She started the homestay ground-up initiative BeyondHome. Rachael enjoys nature tremendously and matcha!